Terminal Criticism

The other week I went to see the much-hyped Terminator Salvation. I enjoyed it but I am glad I did not read any of the reviews beforehand because, apart from Sam Worthington’s excellent performance, it got solidly panned. Of course, the critics are not necessarily the audience at which the film is aimed (neither am I) so what did they expect, Stanley Kubrick?

I agree that Christian Bale’s acting resembled that of a cardboard cut-out and that someone should have yelled at him on the set, not the other way around.

Worthington did steal the film. But the special effects were pretty spectacular and there was a semblance of a plot that could be followed (except for the bit about John Connor’s father). I didn’t expect high art and I didn’t get it. The film managed to keep me awake and that is a major triumph. It was also entertaining, and for a Hollywood film that is a plus.

It reminds me of the drive to New Orleans when we stopped somewhere past Jackson, went to Wendy’s and had The Baconator – sometimes you know you should not enjoy something but you cannot help it.

I also saw Year One, drawn in by the trailers and Jack Black’s interview on Letterman last week when he said that it was partly a tribute to films such as The Life Of Brian. It was a ridiculous film but I have to admit that I chuckled all the way through. The Baconator factor again!

Contrast these works of so-called dubious worth with Synecdoche, NY, which critics have generally praised, though none of them can explain what it is about! Halfway through the film I thought I must have fallen asleep and missed some key point because it made no sense at all. I did fall asleep during The 6th Day and spent the rest of the film completely confused. It was a similar experience.

Synechdoche recalls films such as Masked & Anonymous and I’m Not There, both coincidentally films with or about Bob Dylan, that are also almost impossible to follow. But I am not sure I am ready or wiling to revisit it.

All of which leads me to the ratings system for films and how there needs to be a new scale so that you can truly know what a film is like before you go and see it.

My Rating Scale:

Keeps you awake for the entire film = +2

Has a plot that can be followed = + 2

Margaret Pomerantz dislikes it = + 1

Margaret Pomerantz hates it = + 2

Is directed by Oliver Stone or Lars Von Trier = – 4

Stars Nicole Kidman or Tom Cruise = – 4

Features at least one scene with a motorcycle in it = +1

Features more than one scene with a motorcycle in it = +2

Features no scenes with motorcycles = -2

This would give a possible score of +10 or -10.

The Film Criticss Rating System:

Indecipherable plot = +2

Swarthy character smoking cigarette = +1

Subtitles = +1

Original language is French = +2 / German or other European language = +1 / Asian = +2 / Spanish = +3

Is Australian and is depressing = +1

Is Australian and is really depressing = +2

I welcome any additions to the ratings scale. Now I have turn my attention to the way CDs are rated!